Lessons Learned

Kaisa and Jeff left yesterday ....its a long drive for them , about 16
Hours. Was sad to see them go ...My Hay fever manifested itself by the weeping
of my eyes .

I know that I can always call my daughter , that she will always be my
daughter. I know we both love each other. I have pictures of her ..everyday I
see her in my minds eye ....but there is something special just being in the
same room with her . Even if we are not speaking .

Usually when we first get together we go through a period of being silly ,
and goofy. When she was younger i would tease her....and make her laugh. As she
has gotten older she teases back , she gives as good as she gets , and as bad as
she gets . I think this behavior is a shield , a defense mechanism that
separates our real feelings .

As her visit lengthened we had some meaningful conversations , on a wide
variety of topics and what struck me is how intelligent and well spoken she is.

Behind the mask of the goofy child there is a real person , a caring loving
person . I am familiar with Masks because I have worn one for so long ...

In many ways I am reminded of my prayer life .....I kid around with God a
lot ...I Know who He is , but I choose to offer Him my Mask ...I " pretend '
that to be in His creation , is the same as having meaningful conversation with
Him . God and I can be in the same room , but this is not the same as spending
quality time with God ...I think God desires real conversations with us ...and
that is what our prayer life is , a daily conversation with God .

It may seem like an Odd and inappropriate Metaphor , but I act and behave
with God the same way I behave with my daughter ....I joke , I am cheerful , I
am so glad to be in His presence ...but I often miss the richness of the
conversation and fellowship by refusing to move in that direction. I nibble
around the edges of God. Unlike my daughter and her Husband driving away to
their home though ..it is me who leaves the presence of God ...

I know God is there I have His songs I sing ...I have His word I read , I
have His creation in front of me testifying to Him , I know in time I will be
with Him in Heaven , but for right now often , and too frequently I am
inclined to leave God standing on the porch while I head off from one location
to another .

I know if I need I can call on Him , I know He is always with me ..but
there are way too many times I am not with Him . The Scriptures say He is long
suffering toward me , He is patient towards ,me He loves me with an unfailing
love , His mercy to me endures forever . And way too often I simply leave Him
standing on the porch waving goodbye ...I Miss the tear in His eye ...

Most of the day yesterday I kept asking myself what brought me to tears as
Kaisa left , and I believe the answer is that I did not involve myself fully
with her while she was with me ...we had a wonderful visit , but my mask and my
nature got in the way of spending so much more time with her in deeper
fellowship.

And not only her ..I do that with my wife , with my friends as well. I
know I should be as transparent with my Family and Friends as I am with God
...God knows I wear a mask ..He sees past it and through it He see's into my
heart ....but the only way my Wife , my Daughter , my friends ....and those
others around me will ever know me ..is if I take the time to share with them
and allow them to share with me .

As this vacation winds down ..I will go out and spend time when weather
allows photographing the beauty of His creation , but I need to also spend
time enjoying the creations that speak back to me . Its not going to be easy
...but with God all things are possible